I was sitting with my friends in sacrament meeting after an interesting, yet oddly enjoyable weekend, when Mustache Man, Kim's wingman, came over to me and Dwight-Shrewt-ishly said:
MM: "Hey, would you like to come sit with us in the front row?"
me: "I'm fine, I'm already sitting here with my friends." ("Oh, and who are you? Have we met before?")
MM: "There's a girl that really wants to meet you."
me: "You mean her?" I pointed to a girl in a green shirt. MM nodded and I mentally placed my hand on my forehead. "Ooookaaaay."
I walked over to the pew only to find that it was jam-packed with bodies. Where was I supposed to sit? On her lap!? Everyone began looking around as though somehow the act of searching would miraculously produce the appropriate amount of space. MM pointed to a Ms. Green Shirt.
MM: "This is Kim. She's been dying to meet you all weekend." Kim stood up and began shuffling toward me from the middle of the pew. We shook hands and I politely told her it was very nice to meet her. By this time it was apparent that she was not going to return to her seat. Being the solutionist that I am, I made my friends move down one seat to make room for Kim.
Of course we didn't say one word during the entire testimony meeting. Afterwards, Kim blurted:
Kim: "Are you on facebook?" She awaited my response with a coy head tilt and a sparkle in her braces.
me: "Yes. You can look me up. You do remember my name, right?" She shook her head, then proceeded to tell me how she had a poor short-term memory and that she had been hit in the head with a metal rod. At this point I was nodding as she mumbled something about her father and laughed. "That's nice," I said. "So it's Kyle." "Kyle Wilson." "W-I-L-S-O-N, you know, like the sports equipment brand?"
After a few blanks stares, I scribbled my name on a piece of paper that she produced and pointed out all the letters to her to make sure she could decipher them. Thinking that my work was done, I continued conversation with others and Kim disappeared.
To expedite our departure home, I decided to repark my car as the line for the final luncheon died down. Hungry and tired I began to puzzle my sandwich together with pieces that were now spread at various lcoations along a block of tables.
MM: "Kyle!" MM motioned to me from across the room and pointed to an unknown location as if to say "She's over here!" Of course neither of us spoke sign language, but I did my best to let him know that I was hungry and that I would be getting my food, and proceeded collecting my lunch, and sat at a table across the room with some friends of mine.
One bite into my sandwich, I felt MM's arm rest on my shoulder. He was sitting with a chair facing the wrong way leaning on me like an older brother would.
me: "I enjoyed your testimony today." MM began to reiterate his experiences that he had shared, when all of a sudden Kim popped right in front of me with a couple of her friends.
Kim: "Can I take a picture with you?" Wanting to get back to my sandwich, I agreed.
Kim: "Can we take it outside?"
me: "Where's the nearest door?" I asked looking around. We took the pic and that was that. She probably wouldn't be able to find me on facebook, anyway, as my privacy settings were in place.
A few days later a friend of Kim's, who I had never met, asked me to add her on facebook, as she couldn't find me. A few days after that, Kim found me and requested the inevitable facebook friendship. A week and a half later (today), I accepted my very first "limited" friendship on facebook. A half hour later, I received the following message:
Kim Reynolds April 6 at 6:39pm
Hi just wanted to say hi and late happy easter i hope that u i a good easter. Next is that where do u live and what city do u live in i really didn't get to meet u up in west virginia i only got to meet u for 15min so i did and i would like to meet u more so i do i hope that u would be friend and not like icaac. Then do u have a girlfriend just courase that all and i hope that u are having a wonderful day and enjoying the weather. Hope to u and do u have a cell phone.
Isaac or icaac, as written above, is a BYU friend of mine that I unexpectedly ran into at the YSA conference, and who apparently shares my story with Kim. In addition to the message, Kim had tagged herself in my profile pic:
Meanwhile, I found Kim's friend, who had asked me to add her, and let her know what was going on, that I was creeped out, and that I was going to unfriend Kim soon. Her response:
Oh yeah I can totally see where you are coming from and I really didn't realize it was going to be like that. I have definitely never seen her be so obsessive, I didn't even know she could be like that. It is really creepy. I'm really sorry about this.
For those of you who have made it to the end of this tragic tale, the moral of the story is that NICE does not always = HONEST. If I had been honest and told MM that I wouldn't sit with Kim because that was weird, or if I had simply told Kim that I really didn't know her, nor did I want to add her on facebook, sure it would have been awkward and potentially crushing for her, but look what could have been avoided.
BE TRUE, NOT NICE
